The Terribly Titled Nuzlocke of Pokemon Reborn "Amateur Hour" edition: Season 4 Finale - Battle of the Bastards (27/10) (2023)

(Just pretend someone is playing a slide guitar and there's like a hawk cawing)

*Huff huff*

I think I gave them the slip...

Hey there folks!

You came at a bad time.

I've really screwed the pooch on this one...or would that be cat?

Aaagggh that's not the point goddammit.

Listen if any of you happen to have a fleet of attack helicopters they would reeeally come in handy about now!

What I need them for?

Look let's just say I was being my normal happy-go-lucky self...

And I accidentally destroyed a planet.

But that's beside the poi-

Wait...you guys hear that?

Ah shit they found me!

IT WAS *BLAM* AN HONEST *BLAM* MISTAKE!

FUCK!

ONE PIDDLY LITTLE LASER AIN'T GONNA STOP ME!

...

Yeah that'd do it.

GGGRAAAAAAAGHHH!

*gasp* *gasp*

Ooohhh gonna feel that forever...

Mother fucker blew up my wall...

AND ME!

AGH! Okay leg's are broken...not a good start to my day...

C'mere gun. We got cat's to kill.

GO.

FUCK.

YOUR-

SELGGGGGGGGGGGKKKKKK...

Hnnnnnghh...

ah.

This is now a Thunderian broadcasting station.

The previous programmings have been terminated and all...Snarf get away from the body.

OH MY GOD SNARF! LION-O HE WAS FAKING IT!

AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!

This is my show bitch.

FUTURE SEAN: ...

...

...

...

Hey folks I'm back and in a whole new location!

Hm? Oh you thought I died?

FUTURE SEAN: Ah yes, this was the "I just got out of the shower" phase of recording I briefly had. God what a fucking amateur.

I swapped myself out for a body double at the last second.

And then I killed them all.

See? I even got a trophy/ashtray!

FUTURE SEAN: WHY DID I HATE THE THUNDERCATS SO MUCH AT THIS TIME?!?

But this isn't a series about me killing anthropomorphic animals

It's about me killing fictional anthropomorphic animals!

Oh and I'm trying to figure out a good lighting so don't mind the changes.

Let's-a go!

Ah yes last time I beat up some losers and climbed on top of this building to stare dramatically off of.

Which has a smaller building on top of it.

...

What IS the purpose of this roof?

Dude this is Pokemon Reborn.

EVERYONE is miserable.

WHHAAAAAA? OMIGOSH I HAD NO IDEA!

What was that?

"Almost" ten years old?

And she has a Salamance and stronger than a Meteor admin?

GOD DAMMIT SHE'S BREAKING THE POKE-RULES!

YOU ONLY GET POKEMON WHEN YOU BECOME A LEGAL ADULT AT 10!

I'M GOING TO GO MAKE A CITIZEN'S ARREST!

Actually speaking of arrests...

Get me a Growlithe!

Awww it was nothing...nah I know I'm great.

But that's literally all you need. Your human officers didn't think to burn the vines trapping them

So who cares about those morons?

He just blatantly admitted that's how inheritance works in this city

I was actually right...scary thought...

Ohohohohoho...lucky me...

Right Chief I'm off to arrest a 9 year old for breaking a fictional set of rules in my head.

Be back soon.

Awww it already loves me...

GAAAAAHHH!!!

WHAT THE HELL?!?

Alright! I said I was sorry, didn't I?

...

Didn't I?

Just what I needed. Another temperamental fire type.

Would it be too much to ask for one that isn't a hothead?

Y'see this guy right here boys and girls?

This is what we call a fucking embarrassment.

"Spare Growlithe"?

I think the Chief gave her to me because you're a pathetic and whiny asshole.

And as your now superior officer I order you to go fuck yourself.

Hmmmmmm....

I'm not ready for the gym just yet so I'm gonna see if there's any grinding to be done nearby.

Oh this'll be fun and not at all depressing...

No idea who this is...

That's clearly not a name.

FUTURE SEAN: Turns out it's the wife of my greatest enemy.

What a weird inscription to put on a grave...

Ohhh those are never good...

GAH!

Oooohhh i could get a Banette out of this!

I didn't have any Pokeballs...

That's so embarrassing.

Also I went and took a peek at the gym. Ame told me it's poison so I'm gonna go get Selina.

No discount for saving your lives?

Cheap bitch...

Hey Selina! Glad to be back?

...

Okaaaayy...still doing that then.

Oh hey Day-Care Crone! Raise Jasmine.

I might need her in case of Crobats.

I'm not going to explain that till you're older.

And all she's going to do is a mysterious training method that nobody outside daycare couples knows.

(Seriously though how DOES that work?)

Now go into the unknown.

Crying only makes me less likely to come back.

Hmm Selina has decent enough moves...

Oh well let's the grinding commence!

I decided running across Beryl Bridge was boring so I got Jasmine back.

Jesus it got sunny...and hot...

Is that...Ice-cream?

YES.

GIMME THE ICE-CREAM THAT HEALS INJURIES SOMEHOW!

It's the right day for it anyway.

YEAH! FUCK ORGANIC FOOD!

"SLURP"? These are biscuits you little contradicting shit.

Oh heavens.

Anything new down here?

I ATE HER.

Our arms are like two pixels long...how can you measure anything with "yay high"?

Like if some scallywag pretended to have eaten you?

Anyway I saw him.

The fucker's down the road in a puddle of urine.

Damn straight i can have this

I deserve this for

finding your son.

...

Lady what the fuck is this?

Shit that might actually come in handy.

Thanks lady!

Goooood...

Now to get Jasmine up to level 30 and we'll hit the gym!

Oooohhh that's cute.

And since I bought more balls I can!

Hehe that's a girl's name.

Thank Christ. I didn't meet this useless bugger first.

Seriously. Fuck Noctowls. Worst early bird.

Hal...why weren't you a shiny...

*sob* *sob*

Oh ho!

We all know what that means!

You've literally done this before.

Just take a deep breath aaaand...

Poof!

and now i gotta deal with this

But now I feel confident enough to battle Corey!

These look like a puzzle maybe?

*One puzzle solving later*

Hah?

He's not here?

Maybe i should turn the tubes red?

Well looky here...a secret door.

This is apparently where they live.

In this small windowless apartment behind the massive gym.

No wonder Heather wanted to bail.

What gave it away?

Okay...bit of a Dwebble Downer, aren't you?

Yes but how did you know that?

Oh just a SMIDGE unruly~

She told me to beat you up.

Wait come again?

Hey now...

Godammit now I have to excuse Heather for being a brat...her Dad's depressing as shit...

Yeah you pessimistic asshole.

I've watched enough tv shows to know that "hope" is pretty much the beat all end all of things in fiction.

I'm gonna beat the love and happy into you!

Ya Super Saiyan Blue reject.

Why would he need one of these?

OH well another time i guess.

Too bad! I only registered half of that sentence so thanks for the compliment!

Says the man about to attack me with reality defying creatures that revolve around toxic waste.

No sure let's see it.

I'M INTERESTED!

So the bathroom is around the corner to the left?

Oh wait that's your flamboyant battle pose.

I should do mine.

THUNDERSEANS HOOOOOO!!!!

FUTURE SEAN: Uggghhhhh...

This teamshot yo'

Agent? Not Gym Leader? Why is that?

What the fuck is that thing? Kelp?

Did they seriously make a Pokemon based on seaweed?

Also damn I over-levelled...

Love it.

Live it!

Ah the good old 4x weakness Pokemon...always fun seeing them participate.

Ugh the bad old x1 weakness...and i don't have any ground types

Oh well I'll use Mako then.

Hey hey I didn't know about it this time.

Hehehe and it is funny.

Isn't Stunky supposed to evolve at level 34?

Is Corey a hacker?

Don't know why it used a fire move of all thing...

Could've used a poison move for some stab damage...

Corey kept healing it and only using Incinerate

He's trying at least.

That's a very annoying ability...

And Selina's back out again to clean up shop.

Two instant knockouts.

Selina's destroying this gym.

Oh so he has a Crobat not a Golbat like I thought...

Wait a minute..."Agent" Corey?

And he has a Crobat...

And he seemed to be used to arguing with Heather...

AND his purple pants...

Shit he's the mysterious admin from the last episode.

Electro-ball is Crobat's worst nightmare with him being the 9th fastest Pokemon

I'm beginning to think Corey's fucking up intentionally.

BA-LAM!

Well I do enjoy rubbing salt in the loser's wounds...

I know you're a Meteor admin Corey.

I just don't really care that much.

I don't actively seek them it just sort of...happens.

Heather might though...

Why did i say her name...She's like Voldemort...

Uh...Hi?

Wait a minute she's being marginally polite to me?

Wait another minute how do YOU know my name?

Um...okay? Nice knowing you?

well I tolerated knowing you

Ah right you meant your Dad the Meteor age-I mean...the mopey sad guy

Oh god she really is stronger than Corey...that's gotta be pretty emasculating...

This is SUPER awkward.

It's like whenever your friend's parents get in a fight with them in front of you...

Yeah a 9 year old leaving home forever never ends well...

A 10 year old on the other hand is fully prepared.

Might want to add a question mark there.

That kind of "what" is reserved for dull surprise.

A hundred on her losing it.

FUTURE SEAN: Oh you poor innocent bastard...if only you knew...

Kids huh bro?

Granted you got off easy, they usually stick around for 8 more years.

You gonna follow her then?

Corey.

NOPE NOT GONNA GO GET YOUR DAUGHTER BACK.

NOT MY JOB!

Damn he appealed to the showman in me...

Better heal in case a fight breaks out.

...

This world is very violent...

Oh great he's going to get his Pokemon to murder me and since I can't use mine during cut scenes, I'm helpless.

Let's go you bastards. I know Jew-Jitsu.

Unless you have any Germans I think I'll win.

Of course the Skuntank leaves first. It's a notorious asshole.

Most dark types are....wow that sounds kinda racist.

Holy shit the Skrelp just jumped right off the fucking bridge.

Can they fly? Or did it just want to end its hideous existence?

Awww and those only evolve with high love...poor Crobat...

Have a heart Corey...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!

Corey...bro.

The entire world economy runs on those little bastards.

They even have free healthcare!

You won't make it without them!

Uh...dude you called me here...

Sure...I guess? I mean we only met recently and don't have a lot of things in common...BECAUSE SHE'S NINE.

Me and Heather both know you suck, it's okay.

Goddammit and her mother's dead too?

I need to buy a gift basket for her.

A really BIG one.

Bold statement for a guy living in the shittiest region around.

Well aside from those Orre losers.

Awwwwwww....

Aww....

You sure it wasn't because all our doctors and nurses are assisted by a giant pink oval with no fingers?

Because it might have been that.

Jesus Christ game...I know you're meant to be mature but nihilism isn't very fun.

Ahhh she'll come back when she figures out she doesn't know where money comes from.

After all she's nine.

That's my name. You seem very fond of it

Then why did you let her take it?

I'm pretty sure you could have bum rushed her.

Again she's 9.

No. I refuse. Not a chance.

I am not spending the majority of my life looking after your damn daught--

Oh Shit! What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Corey please be reasonable here. You DO NOT want me in charge of a small child.

I can barely get through an episode without killing someone or something catching fire

Does that sound like a good childminder to you?

No let's just get awaaaay from the edge and...

OH GOD DAMN IT!

OH THANK GOD FERNS HERE!

THE PERFECT MAN FOR SENSITIVITY!

Well aren't you all torn up about it.

Wait what?

He...didn't give me the badge?

...

THAT MOTHER FUCKEEEEERRR!

LEAVE ME TO LOOK AFTER YOUR DAUGHTER, HUH?

I hope the pavement tasted nice, you asshole!

*spit*

No one welches out of a badge in my hood.

Really Fern?

I think you need to look up natural selection champ.

Cause I'm sure suicide isn't listed.

You think he had the badge on him?

I don't mind shifting through his remains for it y'know.

HONG KONG KABLOOEY!

HOLY SHIT WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?!?

That is a lot of dead bodies...

So long Fag Jockey Fern.

And yes that is your name now.

Well...a lot of shit went down in the past 5 fucking minutes.

Most of it depressing...

But look on the bright side!

...uh...there was an explosion this episode!

That's something at least.

And Season One of the series is done and dusted!

I'd say it's been a long road but that would make me look mortal and weak so I won't.

ugh I sound like Fern...

I'll see you beautiful people for Season 2 eh?

Bye for now!